I am a chronic pain survivor. I was living with TMS most of my life without even knowing it. That is probably why it took me a while to figure out what was wrong with me and why I was suffering from such acute pelvic pain and back pain so consistently.
To make you understand what caused my TMS, I will have to tell you a bit about myself. I was born in France and raised by Spaniards. Being an actress, I have faced the same challenges most struggling actors face – going through rejection and searching for that one big break. It’s not that I have not been successful. I have. But it’s been a challenge, and it continues to be one. Trying to make a place for yourself in a tough industry can take its toll. For me, it was more challenging because I have always been a perfectionist. Pleasing people has always been something I naturally did without even realizing the consequences of this attitude on my own health. It was when I realized that I was suffering from TMS that I began to explore the cause and effect of my emotions and my feelings.
I realized that my brain was tricking my body. The self-pressure that I was under because of my desire to always be perfect and good was causing havoc within me. These feelings – of goodness, perfection, fear, guilt, etc. – are always taking place at an unconscious level but they demonstrate themselves in physical form through the pain.
Things didn’t get easier because when I struggled to find a cure for my pain, I could not find it. I consulted so many doctors, but nobody understood what I was going through. They kept on misdiagnosing me and treating me with pills which did not have any positive effect on my pain. I believe that these doctors caused me more harm than benefit.
And it was then that I discovered Dr. Sarno. That was the first time I understood the concept of psychosomatic disorders. The more I read Sarno’s theory and techniques, the more I understood that my TMS was caused by my repressed anger and my desire to always be good. Keep in mind that striving to be good is not a sickness but in my case, my desire to be a people pleaser was too difficult for my body. This was combined with my negative beliefs about myself, my childhood, my mother’s death, and my acting career. All these factors continued to pile up. But it was my body that signaled to me that something was wrong.
When my pelvic and back pain started, I tried everything to make it better. But it was Sarno’s method of healing that really helped me. And now I want others who are experiencing the same kind of pain to realize that there is a way to heal. We all know that there is a stigma attached to psychological disorders, but I speak from experience, and I am here to tell you that there is nothing that you should be ashamed of. Psychosomatic disorders exist, and they can be treated. Look at me; I have been pain-free for nearly a year and a half. And I achieved that by first identifying the cause of my TMS and then addressing those emotional issues to achieve emotional stability. In my case, it was this bucket of repressed anger that finally overflowed and caused me severe pain. But I found a way to break through the walls of my brain and to reach my unconscious mind and address the issues that were dividing my mind.
You can do it too. You can also heal. I understand how frustrating it can be when other people don’t understand what you’re going through; when they dismiss your feelings as irrelevant or overstated. I understand. I can guide you through this journey, and I can help you heal. TMS is not something you need to live with your entire life. If I can do it, so can you.